Tips of dating with american men
In fact, you may be experiencing attractions of deprivation, where you try to recreate the issues from childhood in your romantic partners.If your expat game plan includes finding love then you’ll need to wrap your brain around romancing the American way. S.-style dating looks a lot like it does elsewhere: find someone you don’t hate on sight and who you strongly suspect isn’t a serial killer, then arrange to meet for some kind of shared food or beverage experience. It’s like a job or house hunt, which means investigating more than one prospect at a time.
In American culture, there is a clear segregation of the sexes, boys play with boys and do boy things and girls do the same.I never thought that the cultural background of a dating prospect would make much of a difference when it came to relationships.However, since living in New York, I’ve had the opportunity to meet many different people from various backgrounds and it’s become clear that there are definite cultural norms specific to European men versus American men (especially New Yorkers).In America, sexual education is not taught until one hits their teens, if they are taught at all. It’s no surprise that American men are left to their own devices, subconsciously learning about sex through porn and the media. The latest law passed in France where excessively skinny models need to prove their health is a testament to that.But when you’re surrounded by American media, filled with Barbie dolls, waif skinny models and Baywatch breasts, the idea of what ‘beauty’ is becomes skewed. European men have a quiet confidence, a demeanor that doesn’t need to scream out loud to prove themselves. The dating culture involves trying out many different options at the same time.This breeds a generation of men who have habits of looking after their own needs versus the needs of the collective. Europeans don’t get their sexual education from porn. European men have a different perception of beauty.For example, in the Netherlands, comprehensive sexuality education starts at age four. Instead of cruelly dismissing someone by disappearing, they communicate that they are not interested. As the media in Europe is a lot more heavily monitored, Europeans grow up surrounded by media and images of women who are curvy, comfortable in their own skin, and sensual (versus overly sexualized).Naturally, I’m generalizing, but American women seem more upfront, assertive and opportunistic than their British counterparts.I’ve watched girls in coffee shops and bars, not only surveying man candy from afar but, like lionesses eyeing a fat antelope with a dodgy knee, zoning in and making their intentions known. American men, so I’m told, are more likely to offer to pay for dates and bat away a woman’s wallet.The dynamic may or may not move into a serious relationship, but they are not trying to gather other options or back up plans in case it doesn’t. Americans (both men and women) have been socialized to play games, to act unavailable, to wait a particular amount of time before texting back…There are a set of ritualized rules that are abided by in American dating culture, and if you don’t play within them, you are labeled as desperate or needy or undesirable.